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Somebody, please, anybody,
get on the phone to Mike
Ilitch and let him know that baseball has no LeBron
James equivalent! That must be why the Tigers can't
win. There must be some superstar entering the draft
next season. The week of no wins wasn't so bad in
itself, but that they should have come out of KC with
two wins, and instead were swept makes it a bit
tougher to swallow. The Tigers will finally play some
games NOT against KC, Minnesota, and Chicago, but
things don't get any prettier. Strap yourselves in
folks, it's going to be a long and bumpy ride.
New Subscribers...
There have been a handful of new additions this
season, I'll try and name them all...
Lia "Scorekeeper" Bottinelli
Bob "Gibson" and "Sean De" Paula Bottinelli
Kevin "McReynolds" Church
Tom "Brookens" and Mr. "October" Lenfesty
John "Cubbie" Leibler
"J.D." Drew Markham
Matt "Bison" Messink
Andrew "the other Twins fan" Moorhouse
Matt "Nokes" Muller
Dana "Orange" Olanoff
Uncle Rob "Deer"
Gary "Pettis" Strickler
Nice to have you all on board. Now let's hear from ya!
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Week of 4/15 - 4/21
Record: 0-6 LLLLLL-
Undy Five Hundy: This is becoming ridiculous. I once
had dreams of abandoning this particular index in
favor of, perhaps, a Magic Number count. Instead I
have to swallow the pride as chumps like Houser rip my
boys (the Undy One Hundy index is one I will never
EVER resort to...I'd start writing Detroit Shock
Weekly if it ever came to that). Oh yeah, the index
stands at 15 undy...stellar.
AL Central Standings...
KCR 14 3 -
CWS 11 8 4
MIN 9 10 6
CLE 7 12 8
DET 1 16 13
Tigers Division...
NYY 16 3 -
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Lots of teams at 7-12
TAM 6 13 10
CIN 6 13 10
DET 1 16 14
Up Next for the Tigers...
April 22-24 @Oakland
April 25-27 @Seattle
April 28 no game scheduled
Factoid: After years of laziness, I decided to figure
out what slugging percentage is. Looking at the
stats, it seems that SLG is TB/AB (total bases per at
bat). So if you hit all singles then your SLG is the
same as your AVG. Tigers opponents have a SLG of
about .500, which means that they get 1 base every
other at bat. That doesn't include walks. That's
pathetic. The teams' OPS (OBP + SLG) is undy five
hundy. Horrific. We face Mulder, Hudson, and Zito
next. Good thing there is more to life than baseball.
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Tiger of the Week...
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While it's true that nobody deserves this prestigious
honor this week, I was impressed by the command of
setup man Franklyn German Saturday night against the
Royals. He recorded 5 outs in a tie ballgame, four of
them being strikeouts. More outings like this will be
necessary for the Tigers to preserve their leads
seeing that they've only scored more than 4 runs once
this year.
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Poll Question...
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There have been a lot of instances in baseball lately
with fans interfering with the game. Specifically, we
have seen two instances this week where a fan
assaulted, in some way, a player or an umpire. Do you
think this is some sort of trend where the players are
feeling animosity to the game or the players in
general or are these just a bunch of idiots? Also,
what is the most memorable "fan on field" experience
that you've ever had or been a part of? Mine is
certainly when my dad and I went to see the Tigers and
the Blue Jays play in the summer of 91, 92 or 93 (I
can't remember which). We were witness to one of the
most famous party crashers of all time, Morgana the
Kissing Bandit. Robbie Alomar felt the wrath that
day, and pops and I saw it all from the upper deck in
left field (we were lucky not to get a seat behind a
steel pole).
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Beat Down of the Week...
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The biggest beat down this week happened Monday
afternoon in Minnesota. The Yankees came into the HHH
Metrodome and swept the Twins in a Friday-Monday
series, "nailing the dismount" as Twin lover Dr. Bob
Hesse would say, with a 15-1 drilling of the Twinkies.
David "I was sandbagging so I could get out of
Detroit" Wells went the distance for the Yanks, and
Rick Reed was chased in the 4th after giving up 10
earned runs. The Yankees hit four home runs and have
more home runs on the season than the Tigers do RUNS!
That's right, if the Yankees played the Tigers, and
the only way New York could score would be by going
yard, and they don't get runs for other guys on base,
they would still beat Detroit. I want to die.
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Quote of the Week...
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"There's something, I say there's something kind of
eeeeeee about a kid that's never played baseball." -
Foghorn Leghorn
Yeah I still enjoy the Looney Tunes (Leghorn is the
rooster that is always singing Camptown Ladies). Any
self-respecting American does. I couldn't have said
it better myself.
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Mo Vaughn Weekly...
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Mo got back into the game this week and stunk it up
from the get go. He finished Sunday 1 for 4 with a
couple of RBI's, but had 2 errors. Hey Mets, what did
you expect? You've got the Michelin Man playing first
base. I hope you enjoy the liability! Mo for death.
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Game Linescores...
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April 15: Detroit 4 - Minnesota 6
Starters: DET: Maroth 5.1IP - MIN: Lohse 6.1IP
DET 000 200 200 4 5 0
MIN 010 014 00X 6 12 1
W: Lohse (2-1)
L: Maroth (0-4)
S: Guardado (5)
April 16: Detroit 2 - Minnesota 4
Starters: DET: Bernero 5.2IP - MIN: Reed 6IP
DET 000 020 000 2 6 0
MIN 011 200 00X 4 10 0
W: Reed (1-2)
L: Bernero (0-3)
S: Guardado (6)
April 17: Detroit 0 - Minnesota 6
Starters: DET: Bonderman 6IP - MIN: Rogers 8IP
DET 000 000 000 0 7 1
MIN 111 100 02X 6 13 0
W: Rogers (2-0)
L: Bonderman (0-3)
April 18: Detroit 3 - Kansas City 4 F/11
Starters: DET: Cornejo 7IP - KCR: May 6IP
DET 002 100 000 00 3 11 1
KCR 000 111 000 01 4 10 1
W: Carrasco (1-0)
L: Anderson (0-1)
April 19: Detroit 2 - Kansas City 9
Starters: DET: Knotts 2.1IP - KCR: Affeldt 3IP
DET 002 000 000 2 5 0
KCR 005 004 00X 9 12 2
W: Lopez (3-0)
L: Knotts (0-2)
April 20: Detroit 3 - Kansas City 4
Starters: DET: Maroth 8IP - KCR: Asencio 6IP
DET 110 010 000 3 10 3
KCR 200 001 001 4 4 1
W: MacDougal (1-0)
L: Maroth (0-5)
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Readers Write In...
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Matt "Big House" Houser
1. LWA would beat the Highlanders, even if O'Toole
were allowed to bat every other spot in the
lineup--for LWA.
2. In terms of multiple watchability, I think "Major
League" earns top honors, though "Eight Men Out" is
the best baseball movie I've seen. And the best
"chill" scene remains Roy Hobbs hitting one into the
lights, plus the movie has great theme music and a
character named "The Whammer," which is what O'Toole
once told me he secretly wished girls would call him.
3. There must be a mistake with the article
generously attached by Chet the Elder; at the top
there's a picture of some guy named "Omar Infante."
4. I am helping coach a little league team, so I
got the team hat--it's the White Sox. That goes along
with the Chief Wahoo hat I picked on the cheap when I
visited the Jake last summer to give me 2 AL Central
team hats, neither of which is of a team that has a
winning percentage that starts with ".0" Also at the
Jake, I was reminded of Dan Simpson getting into the
All-Star game for free when it was held there. Way to
go, Dan.
Sincerely, The House
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Nick "Stickman" Ciofani
I'm glad they didn't do a 15 year reunion for Bull
Durham. Anyways, the best baseball movie ever, by
far, no doubt about it, was the 1st Major League.
Because that is how Cleveland exactly behaved in 1995.
It was Tribemania running wild, brother!
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Dallas "Big D" Senters
eat it yankees...you can't have omar vizquel (he said
he wouldn't go) you can't have barry larkin (he is
hurt)
i know this means much less, now that jeter isn't
going to be out long, but i still like it.
i hate the sf giants...i hate the ny yankees...i hate
the seattle mariners
i hate that the ohio teams are not doing better than
the afore-mentioned terrorist supporting teams
i appreciate the work kevin costner has put into
baseball movies...he doesn't ruin the game with his
movies (including field of stuff) they still don't
make up for water world and the postman...hours of
boredom.
comment on the bull-durham fiasco:
it is only a movie, and if it has to suffer for the
greater good, so be it (the greater good in this case
is that two moron actors get called out for being the
flaming liberal idiots that they are, and baseball
holds tightly to the moniker "america's game")
working hard to be the only DALLAS you'll ever need
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Anthony "Whoop-A" Williams
Rangers are right in there with the Tigers. It's
disappointing to cheer for a team that tends to
consistently lose, but I guess I'm in good company,
huh? In the meantime, I'd like to be rubbing the
Stars' success into the faces of the Wings fans, but
in hockey news all of the favorites except Colorado
are in the process of being swept. I could point out
that the Stars have won a playoff game and the Wings
have not, but all things considered it seems a hollow
exultation. I don't think the Wings will get swept,
though they have really dug a deep hole for
themselves. Oh yeah, this is a baseball
newsletter-thing. Hard to get excited when the teams
you care even a little about are losers, and the
hockey playoffs are here. Go Rangers and Tigers, boo
Yankees, also hurrah for the eternal championship
Highlands softball team! We rock!
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Derek "Gershwin" Muller
First, the irony. Anyone notice that LAST season, the
first win came from LIMA Time? And this year, from
Corne-blow? It's gotta be a trend that our worst
pitchers get us our first wins.
Best baseball movie of all time? Easy. "Little Big
League," 1994. In an impending strike season, this
film brought classic memories for three key reason.
-Guest appearance of Mickey Tettleton.
-My grandpa took me to see it because of Mickey
Tettleton.
-Guest appearance of Mickey Tettleton.
I mean, what kid wouldn't want to take possession of
the Twins (or some other cellar-dwelling Mud Hens
major league affiliate) and turn them around? Often
brushed aside in favor of the 1994 "Angels in the
Outfield," "Little Big League" was simply a dream and
a classic.
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Jason "The Scourge" Bryan
Just wanted to say that Major league is the best
baseball movie ever made. It just rocks baby. And I
this maybe the first time I feel sorry for dallas
cause the triple A team he gets to watch in indy is
the AAA team for the brewers. That has to be a ton of
fun. But the Indians will be the surprise this year
baby!!! And the cubs are still the cubs. Anyone that
thinks other wise is just lying to their selves.
- Jason -
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Chas "King of Comments" Claus
First of all, let me say that I disagree greatly with
the political stances of Robbins/Sarandon. I am so
@#$%@#^ sick of celebrities thinking that they are the
moral conscience of America. The Dixie Chicks should
stick to banjos, Eddie Vedder should keep mumbling,
Fred Durst should learn to speak English ("I think
we're all in agreeence...") and all of them should
have a nice warm glass of Shut the Hell Up! Nobody
cares about the political views of Robbins and
Sarandon... heck, most of us don't care about their
acting either!
As to whether the BBHOF's role is to be patriotic,
I don't really know. I happen to agree with the HOF's
take on the matter of cancelling the screening.
The real question in this case is why the heck they
would be celebrating this movie, anyway. I have never
understood the appeal of this movie. Perhaps my
standards are a bit strict, but I have a personal rule
that goes something like this... ahem...
SUSAN SARANDON IS OLD AND GROSS.
This woman is in no way appealing, sexually or
otherwise. About the only moment that I like in the
film is when the bull gets hit in the head with a
fastball. If I were the producer, that ten second
scene is the only bit of the movie that wouldn't have
ended up on the cutting room floor. I would have just
strung it together about a thousand times in a row,
and taken it from a few more angles for variety. That
movie I would pay the now-customary $8 to see. As
released, I wouldn't spend the dollar to rent it from
Blockbuster for a week.
So, I guess to be a bit existential about the
matter, I'm not sure I agree with WHY the showing was
cancelled, but the showing should have been cancelled
for SOME reason, and this way is as good as any.
On the question of baseball movies, here's a few
awards:
STUPIDEST: Little Big League
MOST POPULAR AMONG CURRENT HIGH SCHOOLERS: The Sandlot
MOST OVERRATED: The Natural (its not horrible, but not
great)
MOST ACCURATE: The Pride of the Yankees (Lou Gehrig)
BEST CHARACTERS: Major League
BEST TITLE: Damn Yankees
BEST MOVIE: Field of Dreams
That's all for now. I leave you with this advice:
"AVOID THE CLAP."
-- Jimmy Duggan, Washed up Manager, A League of their
Own
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Nic "where the hell are my glasses?" Gilbert
Best baseball movie: 61*
with any of the Major LEagues and Bad News Bears
movies coming in a close 2nd and 3rd respectively.
Since I have seen my name appear in the Tigers weekely
section, I think there should be a section devoted
soley to me. Or at least have my name been mentioned
weekly. I have earned the honor to be in there.
On a side note, everyone should wish me the best of
luck as I take my 240 lbs frame down to Kentucky and
kick some ass in a a softball tourney. Ok the beer
will probably kick my ass first but at least i will
try and hit the ball.
Thats enough writing for one weekly I think
Peace Out
GO EXPOS
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Toolie's Trashtalk...
Ugh. It can't get worse. I throw that in the face of
the gods. Make it worse, baseball gods. Just try.
What are you going to go, give us an injury? Have
Ilitch sell the team? A losing streak? Hah! Let's
see if the boys can go out and win 4 of 6 out in the
wild wild west. OK, I'll settle for a one run loss,
but that's my final offer!
The Tigers really should have won on Friday and on
Sunday. On Friday they led 3-0 in the 4th, but gave
up a run an inning over the next three. One of these
runs was scored when Omar Infante (who had a terrible
series in KC) threw one in the dirt with two outs and
runners on the corners. Then the Royals loaded the
bases with nobody out in the 10th, but the Tigers got
a ground ball, a pop up, and a line drive to center to
get out of the jam. Then the first batter in the 11th
for KC went yard on an 0-2 pitch. On Sunday, the
Tigers out hit the Royals 10 to 4, but had 3 errors (2
in the ninth), were caught stealing in their only two
attempts, and left seven men on base.
It seems that Major League wins the best baseball
movie. Muller, I can't forgive you for saying Little
Big League. Props to Gilbert for at least giving the
Bad News Bears a mention. As far as best baseball
movie I'd go with Field of Dreams. That movie does
more for the sport and the soul than all the others
combined. For Love of the Game was a good one too.
The best part is that in involves the Tigers beating
the Yankees.
John Olerud and Ryan Klesko get the Roscoe P. Coltrane
"shame shame everyone knows your name" award as they
BOTH fell for the "high school play" in the same week.
This play is put into practice when there are runners
on the corners. A right handed pitcher will fake a
throw to third base and then turn around and see if
the guy on first has started cheating toward second.
It almost never works (except once against the Tigers
last year) but Olerud and Klesko both fell for it this
week. Embarrassing.
Houser, I don't know what this LWA team is that you
speak of. Your team would only benefit from having me
bat every other AB for you. I happen to have proof
that I went 3 for 3 in the title game, and was
described as "breaking the speed barrier" by the WCSR
radio announcer. But it was my stellar team that I
have to credit for the win. We would smoke any
combination of Law School chumps that you could put on
the field. You wouldn't be able to touch those
knuckleballs that Ciofani and Anthony were serving up.
Plus, the trash talk of Dallas would keep you off
balance, and Weiland and Woollard gobbled up anything
hit to the left side. But I'll let the titles do the
talking.
Argh, it's getting late and the eyelids are getting
heavy. We'll see if next week brings tidings of
better news. Nice to hear from y'all this week,
especially the emergence of the grey fox, Chas Claus.
I know he's soon to jump on the Karim Garcia
bandwagon.
Strike One
Strike Two
Strike Three
I'm out.
Toolie
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Tigers Weekly is in no way affiliated with the Detroit
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